In honor of today being Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d do a rundown of the other bulls*** holidays that we continue to acknowledge despite their having lost all meaning or purpose.

7) Valentine’s Day.

Human beings seem to have this illogical need for ceremony and ritual. You can be a complete Homer Simpson all year long, but as long as you remember flowers on Valentine’s Day, you get out of jail free. Or, at least, you’ve fulfilled your obligations. Valentine’s Day is the Catholic Church of Holidays. Go through the motions and the slate is wiped clean. Forget, or worse yet, half-ass the holiday and the Boss is very mad. Isn’t the idea to be good and romantic every day, all-year long? But I guess we all know deep down this is impossible, so we put up with this meaningless holiday of obligation. And that doesn’t even go into the forced subsidization of the greeting card, chocolate and floral industries! But hey, this is the only holiday where you’re pretty much guaranteed to get laid, so it’s not all bad.

6) Columbus Day.

First of all, who gives an s***? He wasn’t the first. Plus, discovering something by stumbling bass-ackwards onto it is not exactly something to celebrate. It’s not like winning a battle or finding a cure for something. Then there’s the whole angle of “celebrating” the beginning of a genocidal holocaust. And then there’s the fact that some white trash Italians look at Columbus Day as their St. Patrick’s Day. But the most annoying thing about Columbus Day is that we’ve never been able to settle on exactly what this is… Is it a federal holiday? Do we get mail? Are banks open? You’re probably going to have to go into work anyway. Growing up in the south, I can tell you that never once did we have school off for Columbus Day. Read the rest of this entry »

They make it hard to get the money you’re entitled to. Here’s how to get them to pay.

1) Don’t pay if you don’t have a say.
When you purposely see an out-of-network doctor, your plan usually makes it clear that it’ll cost you. But when you have surgery, the hospital chooses the anesthesiologist. If you get that annoying “out-of-network” bill, Flynn says, draft a strongly worded letter stating you had no say about the anesthesiologist—in-network or otherwise—and, therefore, won’t pay any additional fees. “If you don’t have direct control, you are not liable,” Flynn says, adding that this tack is likely to work every time, but few consumers know about it. Read the rest of this entry »

From Reader’s Digest of all places, here’s a list of things you can do keep up a regular sex life. Yes, having sex is not only fun- study after study shows that gettin it regular is an important component of your overall physical, mental and spiritual health. In other words, doing it longer can help you live longer.

1. Have sex tonight! Having intercourse regularly helps to keep your sex drive in high gear by increasing the production of testosterone, which is the hormone mainly responsible for libido in both men and women. Read the rest of this entry »

10. Sunshine Cleaning
Its easy to fall in love with a dark comedy that stars both Amy Adams (Enchanted) and Emily Blunt (The Devil Wear’s Prada) — it’s a movie that is easy to look at, despite the fact that it deals with cleaning up crime scenes. Alan Arkin lends a great supporting performance in a film that is funny, dark and full of warmth in the end.

9. Choke
Based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk (who, I am finding, has a ton of fans), Choke is a hysterical comedy that stars Sam
Rockwell (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) and Kelly Macdonald (No Country for Old Men). It is funny, tragic and riddled with all the reasons that people love Chuck Palahniuk’s work. Fox Searchlight bought this one up quick, so you should be seeing a release sometime soon. Read the rest of this entry »

1906: San Francisco Earthquake Fire
When a magnitude 7.8 quake rumbled from the San Andreas Fault to the working-class center of town, continuous explosions formed a lurid tower of smoke throughout the city. But the first of our 10 Worst Disasters of the Century teaches the lessons of reconstruction—and set the foundation for a century of earthquake research to come.

1910: The Big Burn
A rainless summer, bizarre winds and sudden lightning merged hundreds of fires into a great inferno, leaving firefighters to fend off the Big Blowup with buckets of water and their bare hands. By the time the second of our 10 Worst Disasters of the Century was put out, the wildfires had claimed 85 lives, but also sparked a debate that burns to this day.
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1. Set the theme. “There is something in the air today.” With those words, Jobs opened Macworld. By doing so, he set the theme for his presentation (BusinessWeek.com, 1/15/08) and hinted at the key product announcement—the ultrathin MacBook Air laptop. Every presentation needs a theme, but you don’t have to deliver it at the start. Last year, Jobs delivered the theme about 20 minutes into his presentation: “Today Apple reinvents the phone.” Once you identify your theme, make sure you deliver it several times throughout your presentation.

2. Demonstrate enthusiasm. Jobs shows his passion for computer design. During his presentation he used words like “extraordinary,” “amazing,” and “cool.” When demonstrating a new location feature for the iPhone, Jobs said, “It works pretty doggone well.” Most speakers have room to add some flair to their presentations. Remember, your audience wants to be wowed, not put to sleep. Next time you’re crafting or delivering a presentation, think about injecting your own personality into it. If you think a particular feature of your product is “awesome,” say it. Most speakers get into presentation mode and feel as though they have to strip the talk of any fun. If you are not enthusiastic about your own products or services, how do you expect your audience to be? Read the rest of this entry »

1. Figure out your goals.
When you first start thinking about this, it seems nebulous. It’s often hard to tangibly state what your goals are, especially if you’re young and single. However, you often find that they day you get married, it feels like a flood of goals hit you at once - buying a house, having a child, and so on.

Here’s what to do to get started. Take out a sheet of paper and list every financial goal you have in your life right now. What are you saving for? What would you like to be saving for? Things that might wind up on this list are retirement, your children’s education, a house down payment, complete debt freedom, a car, “walk away from your job” money, money to start a business, and so on. Some of those will be important to you, some won’t, and you may have some that aren’t even listed there. Read the rest of this entry »

1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.

This sounds easy, but in practice is incredibly difficult. Phrases such as toe the line, ride roughshod over, stand shoulder to shoulder with, play into the hands of, an axe to grind, Achilles’ heel, swan song, and hotbed come to mind quickly and feel comforting and melodic.

For this exact reason they must be avoided. Common phrases have become so comfortable that they create no emotional response. Take the time to invent fresh, powerful images.
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